Gwangi Valley - Lost Blog of the Gwangi

I started out writing a snarky, sarcasm-filled screed against the latest Catholic church insanity, but I’ve decided to scrap all that and just post the facts. They speak quite well for themselves. Especially given that much of it is straight from the mouths of bishops, priests and even the gold-covered man in the gold-encrusted palace in Rome.

QUEERS!
Let’s start with this brand-new gem. The pope’s representative at the UN says it’s not that their priests are pedophiles, it’s that homosexuals have infiltrated the priesthood. And gone after little boys. See the difference? Now let’s go get those homos! (Sorry. Obviously all the snark was not weeded out after all.) “Sex Abuse in Catholic Church was Homosexual Problem, not Pedophilia: Vatican” (alternate link)

The church is hot to make homosexuals out to be the spawn of Satan and simultaneously eager to find a way to cool off the heat from all the bad press from all the child-molesting in-house. What better way than to blame the former for the latter? Now we can all turn our pitchforks away from the pope and go after the gays, right? Forget about the clergy who shielded them from justice and ignored or silenced the victims. Let’s put aside that back in 2004 the Catholic League tried to soften the blow by saying ‘yeah, well teachers do it more than us, so nyeah!’? This new tact is sure to get more traction because, hey… people like teachers but hate homos, amiright!?!?

I’m not doing such a hot job with the whole snarky thing, am I…?

LIES!
But don’t worry. This is all on the up-and-up, surely. The church wouldn’t lie. Although… they might use “mental reservation”… You know, word a lie in such a way that technically it’s not a lie… per se. You see, the larger story is that there’s an on-going child abuse scandal involving the church in full burn right now in Ireland and the Irish Times just plastered the findings of a commission tasked to investigate it all over its pages. The commission found abuse, coverups and generally a lot of lies. And considering the number of priests involved, not to mention all those fingered since 2004, the Catholic League might need to revise their Priests vs Teachers data. But, wait! According to the commission, the church representatives could keep a clear conscience through mental gymnastics where they ‘lied without lying‘ using the technique called ‘mental reservation’. An example being well-illustrated by Cardinal Desmond Connell:

In Mr Madden’s case, Cardinal Connell emphasised he did not lie to the media about the use of diocesan funds for the compensation of clerical child sexual abuse victims.

He explained to Mr Madden he had told journalists “that diocesan funds ARE (report’s emphasis) not used for such a purpose; that he had not said that diocesan funds WERE not used for such a purpose. By using the present tense he had not excluded the possibility that diocesan funds had been used for such purpose in the past. According to Mr Madden, Cardinal Connell considered that there was an enormous difference between the two.”

(source: Irish Times)

No wonder they’re looking for someone else to demonize. ‘Cuz they’re well and truly screwed if this is what passes for godly in their eyes.

So take heart, gays, when the pope tells you that you are going to Hell, he doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll stay there. OK, maybe he does. But perhaps you can turn this to your advantage? For instance, should an allegation arise just look the bishop square in the eye and say “I am not having sex with [men/women]!” I mean… unless you’re fornicating right there and then, this isn’t technically a lie. And if you’re in a foul mood, just say, “Look. I am not gay.” See? You’re not. You’re clearly… oh… melancholy at best.

BASTARDS!
OK, fine. Forget the ‘no snark’ idea. You see, I’m gay. And that pisses me right the fuck off. But setting aside my issues, what about the everyday people who look to the Vatican and its representatives to tell them for truth and guidance. How must they feel when the people tasked when leading them to purity of spirit before their god would rather cover their own asses than do the right thing. Is molesting children, harboring the molesters and then lying about it part of god’s divine plane???

So how dare these criminal-harboring bastards — men who are supposed to offer their followers comfort, safety and solace — create such deceitful ruses to harbor and protect their own even when it trumps the welfare of a the most innocent and vulnerable of all, a child? How dare they create an edifice whose very reason for existence is to allow them, grown fucking men, to lie? Wouldn’t the creation of that construct in-and-of-itself be a sin in their god’s eyes? I’m pretty sure, the answer is “amen”. Lying and hiding pederasts seems to me a bit more problematic than eating shellfish or coveting an ass, quite frankly. It’s time to stop letting each incident get by. I’m calling on the Catholic faithful to stand up and clean up their own house. No more excuses. This will only get worse.

But what do I know? I’m just a homo, right. Well when I lie, it’s with full awareness that I’m lying and I take responsibility for my action… I’m not hiding behind some childish made-up game of words. I know it’s wrong when I do it, while these supposedly pious men of the cloth have convinced themselves that they’re above it all.

So… who’s more pious? Me or Cardinal Desmond Connell? You can bet your ass it’s me.

Further reading on the current Irish scandal:
Inquiries into clerical abuse allegations
The Dublin commission: Background
Church used ‘don’t tell’ approach
How the archbishops dealt with allegations