Gwangi Valley - Lost Blog of the Gwangi

I like Will Smith. I like Jason Lee. And I like Giovanni Rabisi and Beck, too. Too bad they’re all members of what is, apart from an ongoing game of semantics, one of the largest cults in America: Scientology. 

And in case you’re wondering, no. I don’t like Tom Cruise. He’s a bit of… how do you say… a dick? Yes. A dick. A big toothy-grin-bearing dick. And word out now is that he’s second in command behind another height-challenged dick, David Miscavige, Scientology’s head weirdo.

Oh, yeah, if anyone’s about to fire off any angry letters about how I just don’t understand the bliss and joy that comes from being bilked out of a few thousand bucks and ones individuality:
A) I don’t give a rat’s ass. Save your breath.
B) I don’t allow comments. This ain’t YouTube. This is my personal little soapbox.
C) Freedom of religion doesn’t mean I have to give a free pass to a bunch of tards who worship a sad old dead drug addict who wrote sad old sc-fi and turned it into a religion.

You’re going to tell me how unhappy I must be to be so ‘angry’ at your cult and yadda yadda and how you’re gonna save the planet. Well stop right there, you body-thetan covered drone. I am happy. The only thing I’m angry at is how your cult hurts good people and makes the world a worse place, not a better one. And, by the way, you guys have had ages to clear the planet. What’s the holdup? Oh, wait… the holdup is that one has to pay for the enlightenment that’s needed to save the planet. Yeah, great plan, you guys… That’s seriously going to slow down your plans, people. Maybe if you gave the world this ‘wisdom’ without asking for a credit card and if they could come to it freely and without coercion, you might have a shred of credibility. Maybe. But that ruins your business model. And your cult status, as it were…

But enough about you. Back to Katie Cruise’s womb.

Anyone who knows me, and considering that I’m some anonymous ranter on an anonymous blog, who does (?), knows I’ve been predicting that Cruise would get the nod from Miscavige for some time. And I also believe there is indeed a cache of ole L. Ron Tubbard’s sperm out there being guarded like Fort Knox by the clams, but I don’t believe that Suri Cruise is a product of that sperm, as some are saying. It’s too soon. But… it could happen. And it will likely be Cruise’s wife who gets the terrifying ‘honour’ (Miscavige has been married for 26 years and produced zero alien spawn babies) of having the sperm of that toad-like man, a man who clearly had more mental issues than your average false prophet, inserted into her body. 

What a horrific fucking image, eh? So when Katie disappears for several months… then you’ll know it’s happening. They are not going to let her go galavanting all over Australia with James Packer (another Scientolidick) riding in jet boats and tramping around the world like she did with Suri. She will be isolated and watched and monitored. Look… Hubbard is their messiah. Think of it as her giving birth to Jesus or a Dahlai Lama, from their perspective. Hubbard may have claimed to break broncos when he was a toddler (which he didn’t - one of the innumerable of lies he’s known for), but the second coming would be treated like a porcelain doll. Believe it. These people are serious (about being whacko).

But I will say this. One does have to give them credit for their ability to mask the truth when bringing in new people. Once indoctrinated and made a believer with a sense of purpose (what we lay people refer to as ‘drinking the kool-aid’), the truth becomes what the cult tells them. But up to that point, the leaders have to play a fancy shell game with the truth. And they do a good job… unfortunately. Obviously it’s easier for them with the celebrities. There’s don’t need to collar them into servitude as they do the lesser flock. They need to give them — and generally we’re talking about Hollywood types here, bear that in mind, a culture known for flocking from one bit of spiritualism or fad to the next — some inspiration and feeling of adventure. Because all they need from them is money and their face and ringing endorsement. They get the, uh, ’star’ treatment, as it were.

Scientology celebrities have their own building, separate protocols, and they don’t really associate with the lesser members (they get the cream of the crop to work at their celebrity center). They’re not out sweeping dirt or cleaning chain rooms with the peons, they’re having dinner with Miscavige and getting psyched up by passing some new level. Celebrities don’t get out ethics (at least not in any serious way). So they don’t work for 72 hours straight in an org when someone decides they aren’t putting enough into the lessons they work to pay for to work to pay for to work to pay for, ad nauseum. Or something serious, like bad-mouthing ‘Ron’. (Say, calling him a lying, drug addicted, mentally deranged, toad of a man, for instance.

And now Will Smith joins their ranks. Yay. Another celeb finds something to latch onto. And pour their self and their money in to. I still like him and I hope he’ll see the light, so to speak, but getting out is a lot harder than getting in.

Good luck, Will. And you’re still a dick, Tom.